Harry Potter au where Harry didn’t lose being a parsletongue and Albus buys a snake as a pet one year because snakes are cool and one day just walks in on Harry and the snake having a deep conversation
Albus is 17 and loses his virginity in his room and forgets the snake talks to his dad and when Harry gets home the snake is all like OH MY GOSH YOU’D NEVER GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHAT HAPPENED
bury me in armor so I’ll be ready for the skeleton war
why is his fricking chest uncovered? that’s ppor planning right there
what are you gonna do?
stab a skeleton in the heart?
no, I’ll play their rib bones like xylobones and destroy the morale of the skeleton army with my sick and delightful xylobone playing
it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
that’s the stuff my best dreams are made out of
i read this interesting fact the other day that pirates wore eye patches because they frequently transitioned from bright sunlight to darkness below deck and when they went below deck the covered eye would already be adjusted to darkness so they could immediately see really well and not have to wait for their eyes to adjust
THIS IS LEGIT THEY PROVED IT ON MYTHBUSTERS.
i learned this from a gay pirate au fanfic i read